So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
