The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
