smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
