I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Send help, water and tortillas.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
