Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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