Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I didn't notice because vodka
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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