I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
