we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
