Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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