But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
