Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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