dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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