I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
