Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize