Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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