piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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