Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize