Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
