I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
