What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
