Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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