i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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