I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Sober January is a disaster.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
