wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
