dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
