So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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