...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
