thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
