Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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