I just made out with a guy for $7.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
