I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
