I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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