I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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