I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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