i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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