Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
