Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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