mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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