I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
