So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
