i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
