my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
