You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
please come you make the beer taste better
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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