I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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