R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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