Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
