When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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