Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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