beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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