You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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