In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
