This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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