the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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