I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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