If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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