New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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