Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
"it" just moved
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
