i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
