i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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