i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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