The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
