Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
